Let's talk about kitty kidneys

And how they're sneaky bastards. I'll only take up a few moments, so I can't get crazy obsessive, but honestly, life is looking complicated right now. (Not omfg the car is dead and I'm pregnant in the middle of Texas and broke complicated. More the: Oh wow, so this is what a lifelong condition will look like?)

Cat no. 1 went on an awesome puke-fest yesterday, starting late last night and barfing the loaf of catfood, followed by extensive after-retching of all the bile, random juices, and empty air he had until finally we were both exhausted from whorfing/cleaning up said whorf that I showered and collapsed on the thankfully avoided bottom sheet of the bed. When I left for work, Hubs took over for a while, and then the pukapalooza pt. 2 commenced, lasting several fun and stink filled hours.
During this time, I am informed that the problem is going to be pondered by the vet on Wendesday. Great, fine, I will clean out the bathtub from voms when I get home, and we'll go to the vet on Wednesday.

As soon as the appointment was scheduled, sir heaves-a-lot was fine. Happy, healthy, cheerful, able to keep his food down, and life was looking normal. I fully expected an embarassing visit to the vet, explaining "but he was sick yesterday" while this ball of happiness and koala rainbow farts rolled gleefully on the floor.

Interesting, but there will be no skittles-fueled orgasmic unicorns in this story, apparently. He looks fine, temp is good, etc, and we decide on some bloodwork for safety's sake.
Well his bloodwork raises a middle finger and points dead at some unhappy kidneys/renal issues concealed carefully within this ball of fun and laughter (and previously, barf). So the tech got to teach me how to stick a NEEDLE under his ADORABLE FLESH and pump him full of fluids LIKE A FURRY BALLOON.
This fun and rewarding endeavor will apparently be repeated twice or so a week, along with a diet change to Crazyexpensive brand kidney cat food for a month, and then we will see what the blood says THEN.

Also, for added funsies, I get to seek a urine sample. I have been provided with 'no-sorb' litter (about a palmful), a small pipette, and a test tube. Urine, apparently, will need to be refrigerated until given to the doctor for testing. I'm more concerned that someone will develop a diva syndrome and will have to be locked in a bathroom with a small litter pan every time he looks like he's thinking about going potty. Which will result in the complete refusal to make tiddles, and the commencement of "Cat Opera in G sharp: Try to sleep/watch tv/knit through this chorus of hellbent wailing, you hateful human sow".