Second post in a row! I am some kind of super-demon or something!

No, not really, but hey, since no one knows about this blog except one sister and one best friend, I'll risk a funny story for your amusement.

Once upon a time, two friends went to an adult-toy store and each made a modest purchase, fully backed by the support of the other. The friend in question here got a blue thingy, with a weird but subtle bulbous tip that made it quite honestly look like a stylized and catchy-bit-free version of a chess bishop.

SO: A million years later, this thing lies unused (after a frankly disappointing and noisy first and only attempt) and unloved in a sock drawer, while the friend wishes she'd got something that didn't sound like an egg beater or a cat toy in a coffee tin. One night, it is dark and stormy and she is tidying up the laundry, which lives on the floor, because she is lazy and secretly believes in house elves (or something. It's a good a reason as any). The house is empty at night now, and it's a little fun and a little spooky, and she is placing things in the cabinets and cupboards while all three shiftless layabouts lounge in varying degrees of feline boredom when an especially emphatic shove to fit more items into the finite space of the sock drawer cause the item to engage operation RATTLE THE BONES AND SHIVER THE TIMBERS!

In the span of a second three furry animals turn into WHIRLING CHERUBS OF TEETH, FEAR, AND CLAWS while this embarrassingly enthusiastic piece of shitty plastic and shame attempts to bore through the cheap wood paneling of the drawers and into hell. Sadly, nothing further happened. I located the item, removed the [still good?] batteries and finally was glad to have proof that the damn thing was too noisy and distracting and just about as subtle as the snap of an elbow-length rubber glove at high noon in a proctologists' office. It is gone now. All is well, and I'm glad.

Do you ever just want to flail your arms about until everything makes sense?

I want EVERYTHING these days it seems.

I want to make snazzy art, and maybe even post it on here. I want to KNIT ALL THE THINGS. I want a clean and organized house where ANYONE I like could count on a safe-haven. I want to be super badass, and be able to sweep your feet out from under you while catching a throwing star. I want to do a million flaming hula hoop tricks and join the circus. I want to be some kind of awesome consultant wherein my word and opinion is of the highest value. I want to be super fit, in case the zombies come (I'm actually working on this. At this point, I really ought to run either off a building, or into the hoard of zombies to save time and terror.). I want to be an excellent dancer, and impress everyone. I want to be stylish and have a zillion outfits that look great even though I just 'threw something together.' I want to be a teenager again so I could appreciate the connections and experiences I had and encourage young!me to fucking do ALL THE THINGS and make decent choices that will help current!me out now.

Also, while we're asking for impossible things, how about some wizardry, a million gajillion dollars, and the magical ability to explode minds with a glance while maintaining immunity from legal repercussions?

It's been so long

That I don't even remember what this looks like. Hopefully not terrible, though someday I'd love to actually organize things to my preference.

So I'm working, as usual, but also again. I've not lost my job, though some "restructuring" is making my asshole chafe like the dickens. (Ha! That's class! See how I didn't say "I'm really fucking irritated that these fuckers are fucking with my shit." Instead, I used "like the dickens" to fully represent my gentile nature. Also "asshole", because anus doesn't fully encompass the irritation I feel.)

I've also been working on a year long knit-along (KAL) for LSG, and am stuffing that into a monthly KAL-meets-competition in which I represent team Star trek. For one "challenge" I am knitting a nebula-inspired shawl. It's going, but not fast enough for my tastes.

Picture is unrelated

I will do my job today, even though I am mentally lethargic all the time now. I will do this thing, and this blog post will be proof of my intent to do this thing. And if I couldn't post what I meant to yesterday, then an older item will have to suffice.

I need to get off my own case and start encouraging myself. AND YOU DO TOO, you-know-who.

I also need to exercise, but that's hard. ):

I know what I want to be when I grow up!

Finally! My Career Path has spoken to me!




I particularly enjoy that she tones it down a bit for the baby, because I sure wouldn't. Cry, baby. I'm evil. Deal with it.

Eggy is fast-burning nightmare fuel or Please stop pumping crazy-dream gas into my home.

For two days now I've had strange and horrific nightmares, most of which I forget upon waking. It seems to be happening to my mate also, and now I'm going to keep a close eye on the cats when they wake up to see if they share my disorientation and confusion (since it's hard to tell if a cat woke up drenched in chilled sweat).

Yesterday, I thought I'd take a short nap on the couch. An hour and a half later, I wake up scared (for no apparent reason), very groggy and tired, soaked in fear sweat, and the best part? My face hurt like I'd been screaming. I suspect a dinosaur dream. Those bastards are terrifying anyway.

Last night, the parts I can remember are disturbing, though in the light of day they just seem odd. I'm sure I was freaking out in the dream though, because the feeling carried over into waking and lasted about a half hour. It had something to do with my mate and his brother (the good one), and I was supposed to be knitting his brother some Bayerische socks (which is pretty chilling, having narrowly survived my own experience with making a pair for myself), and my mate was trying to help with my second job, and so was watching a live action Rainbow Brite movie (which seemed good, but I was too busy being chased by some unnamed horror to stop and watch). He kept trying to fill me in on what was happening, while remaining completely oblivious to the danger I was trying to elude. I think he ended up reviewing the movie or something, but I just remember running for my life, thinking "I hope we get to keep that so I can watch it if I live" and then my dad rammed a red truck through the wall into the living room and was bent on destruction.

I thankfully can't remember my dreams from the night before, but I do remember knowing I'd had a nightmare. Even this morning, when saying goodbye to my mate, he admitted I'd woken him up before the police arrested and accused him of the murder of someone who'd lived in the (currently nonexistent) sub-basement of his childhood home, in a haunted silent-hill version of the town we grew up in.

If it happens again tonight, I'm considering going to the apartment office and asking them to test the air for carbon monoxide or something.

Pigamahorse

I am a horse, or at least, I am vaguely horse-shaped. Now that you look at it though, it does seem that my legs are kind of spindly and my body is very fat, like a pig, or a very fat scotty dog.

I am jumping, which means my ability to be safely displayed on a wobbly table has been significantly decreased. Yay!
My head, unlike most large domestic quadrapeds, is able to reach my (thankfully nonexistant) genitals.
There is nothing directly wrong with me, except that my glass eyes (like all my siblings, here) are attached to the sides of my head and are distinctly NOT a part of my face. Also, they are visibly uneven from side to side. Boo.
What is that smell? Did I step in something? I'll just heft my FOOT to my SNOUT to see. Yep, I definitely stepped in something smelly.
I am a chimera. My body is that of a pigahorse, and my neck is that of a snake.
I'm fat, but happy. I'm what happened when Wilbur met a horse and fell in love. This is a horse-ish face on a pig body. With a rooster tail. I am Lj's favorite as a result.
I am sloth-horse. My eye is drippy on this side, and I am laying down. Which didn't prevent my foot/psuedopod from breaking off. If only I looked more like a cow..